Shame is a quiet thief. It doesn’t announce its presence loudly, nor does it demand attention the way fear or anger does. Instead, it lingers in the background, subtly shaping the way you see yourself, how you show up in the world, and the decisions you make without even realizing it.

You’ve felt it before—the hesitation before speaking up in a meeting, the sinking feeling after a mistake, the way you downplay your accomplishments to avoid seeming arrogant. Shame is insidious because it convinces you that you’re the problem, not just your actions. It doesn’t just say, you made a mistake—it whispers, you are a mistake. And if you don’t confront it, it will shrink your confidence, silence your voice, and keep you operating at a fraction of your full potential.

But here’s the truth: you don’t have to live under shame’s weight.

How Shame Quietly Undermines Your Leadersh

In my latest conversation with Apostle Jonathan Patterson, author of Shame: The Silent Assassin, we unpacked how shame embeds itself into identity. He put it plainly: “Shame is the concealing and the hiding of your God-engineered self.” Shame keeps you from stepping into your purpose, and it’s so subtle that you might not even recognize it’s happening.

You could be thriving in your career, leading in your community, checking every box of success—and still be bound by shame. Why? Because shame doesn’t always look like failure. It looks like shrinking in moments that require you to stand tall. It looks like over-explaining yourself to prove your worth. It looks like perfectionism, people-pleasing, and avoiding risks because deep down, you fear being exposed as “not enough.”

Leadership expert John Maxwell warns against this internal sabotage: “The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one.” Shame keeps you living small, and if you let it, it will dictate how you lead, how you connect, and ultimately, how much impact you make.

Authenticity: The Antidote to Shame

The only way to defeat shame is to strip it of its power, which requires radical authenticity. It means refusing to let past mistakes or external judgments define you. It means showing up fully, without apology, and leading from a place of truth.

Brene Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, says, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

The most effective leaders aren’t the ones who appear flawless. They are the ones who are real—the ones who acknowledge their struggles, own their growth and create space for others to do the same.

I know this firsthand. There was a time when I allowed shame to shape my narrative. I let past wounds, rejection, and self-doubt keep me from fully embracing my calling. But when I learned to separate my experiences from my identity—when I stopped allowing shame to dictate my worth—I stepped into a level of confidence and impact I didn’t know was possible.

And that’s what I want for you.

Breaking Free: Practical Strategies to Let Go of Shame

Overcoming shame isn’t just about inspiration—it’s about action. Here’s how you start:

  1. Identify the Lies Shame Tells You
    Shame is a storyteller, and it thrives in secrecy. What does it say about you? That you’re not smart enough? That you’re undeserving of success? Write it down, and then challenge it. Scripture tells us in Psalm 139:14, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” If God calls you worthy, who are you to argue?
  2. Set Boundaries Around Your Identity
    You don’t have to accept every label that’s placed on you. You don’t have to absorb every criticism. Myles Munroe once said, “The greatest tragedy in life is not death, but a life without purpose.” If you spend your days consumed by shame, you are robbing the world of the leader you were meant to be.
  3. Surround Yourself with Kairos People
    Apostle Patterson introduced a powerful concept in our discussion—Kairos people. These are the individuals God places in your life at just the right moment to challenge you, push you forward, and remind you who you are. Pay attention to who speaks life into you. Who sees your potential when you can’t? Stay close to them.
  4. Lead Boldly, Even When It’s Uncomfortable
    The only way to build confidence is to act in spite of your doubts. Show up. Speak up. Step forward. Jonathan Patterson put it best: “For me to show forth something apart from who I am is an offense to the Creator.” Hiding your true self does not serve you—or anyone else.

This Is Your Moment

Shame has kept you quiet long enough. It’s time to let it go. You were not created to stay small, to live cautiously, or to lead from a place of insecurity. You were designed with intention, built with purpose, and called to impact.

So, step forward, show up fully, and lead boldly. You deserve it—and the world needs you.

Guest

Special thanks to @jon_lenardpatterson  for joining us for an amazing episode. Also visit https://www.cadrenetwork.org/converg2025 to learn more about the 2025 Convergence Leadership Summit: Kings and Priest April 3rd – 5th in Charlotte, North Carolina.

You May Also Like

on

Episode 01: Understanding Your Why? The Ultimate Starter Pack for Purpose

on

Discover Your Why & Ignite Your You-ness

on

Episode 03: Step Boldly Into Greatness, Walk in Your Destiny